Two Thoughts

I feel like there are always two thoughts at war in my head; one is constructive; it hasn’t been very loud, but I can hear it more and more.  It is almost like a gut feeling, an intuition, and most of the time it is just something I really want to do.  These thoughts are inspiring and usually involve doing something that makes me progress.  

Then, there are the “other” thoughts.  

These are VERY loud and VERY familiar.  These thoughts sound something like this; “that is too hard”, “too much bother”, “I don’t have time”, “what’s the point”, “I am too busy”, blah blah blah… on and on for infinity.

For so many years I have put up little resistance and let the “other” win out.  It was easier, familiar.  It didn’t always make me happier, in fact, it often kept me small, made me feel disappointed that I missed out on something I wanted to do or Be.  But it was easier and more peaceful to keep the status quo with myself, and ignore the constructive.

For example, today I really needed to get a workout in.   And, I have a spin class on this day of the week that is comfortable and familiar.  Today is also a day I am coming back from a longer than usual workout break, so my momentum isn’t as great as it usually is.  Now, I love this spin class, but despite that, I tried to talk myself out of it until the moment I got out of my car at the gym and was walking into the building.  At that exact moment I felt excited, almost giddy to be getting back onto the bike.  Until that moment, the “other” thoughts yelled at me that I could “just do a workout at home”.  “Stream something from my video library” or from one of the workout sources I like.  “Yeah”, it nagged, “then you can save the commute time, the hassle and be more productive with your day so you can get more work done.” Yep, those are the LIES I told myself.  But, that smaller voice, the constructive one, the one I haven’t paid as much attention to kept telling me that I really wanted to go to spin class, that it would be a much better workout than trying to do something half-hearted at home.  When I finally paid attention to that more intuitive thought, there was relief and joy.  At my core, I really wanted to do what it was saying.

It became very clear to me today, after the workout by the way, that I always have these two streams of thoughts going on.  My constructive thoughts lead me to be brave and embrace The power to break with “the status quo” or “your tribe” or whatever it is that has been programmed into us as a species to keep us safe over the centuries. When it comes to my health and wellness, I want to live more fully in a place where I am following that intuitive voice. I am learning how to listen to it because I want to change my status quo.  

Maybe some of you feel the same way?